Al Veoli: Kissing, Yelling, Flirting

Dear Al Veoli:

My boyfriend used to drink... a lot, but since we've been together he only drinks once or twice a month. When he does get drunk... (Which is quite easily) he's very abusive (verbally) and finds things to argue about. He even makes stuff up like if we were at a bar he'd say "I saw the way you looked at other guys". So I made a "contract" it says he can only have a certain amount of alcohol or else he gets really mean, and he knows he gets mean and always feels bad the next morning. So far he's broken the contract ever since we made it (3 times) I don't know what to do.! I don't want to be controlling but limiting his drinks, but I also don't want to have to fight every time he drinks. Any advice you can give me would be great!!

-Contractless

Dear Contractless:

Al Veoli applauds your idea of the contract and believes that is a really important, even essential, component of your relationship if your boyfriend seems to be an alcoholic, and worse, an abusive one. It is not your responsibility to suffer from his problem. Al Veoli suggests that you sit down to have a lengthy and clear discussioni with them outlining your concerns and broach the idea of the contract again. If he is unwilling to limit his alcohol intake, even knowing he becomes abusive and mean to you, then this is not the right person for you. It sounds as if he might need professional help.

Back to Top | Submit a Question

Dear Al Veoli:

My boyfriend is a pretty bad kisser. He's too fast and puts too much pressure. I like softer slower kisses. :( I love him so much and it really sucks that I don't enjoy his kisses. I don't want to tell him, so what Can I do!?

-Ace Frehley

Dear Ace:

There's really nothing you can do to improve the kissing dilemma other than articulating to your boyfriend what you desire in the kiss. Next time you're engaged in this activity, slow down your boyfriend and give him the kind of kiss that you'd like to receive. You can even play a copy/ reciprocate game so he gets the hint.

Back to Top | Submit a Question

Dear Al Veoli:

I've been married for ten years and although I love my husband I do not know if I'm in love with him. I love looking at other men and flirting with them. Despite the fact that I enjoy flirting with them I feel awful about this behavior. I keep telling myself that something is wrong and I need to stop this behavior, but I don't. I even at times want to be intimate with other men. Please help!

-Feeling Guilty

Dear Feeling Guilty:

Al Veoli understands why you might feel guilty. But it is completely natural to be attracted to people, and even have fantasies about them, after one is married. Making a commitment to one person does not necessitate only being attracted to that person, after all. So you should not feel bad about this. It is a different issue if you feel you are not in love with your husband--this is an important part of a lifelong relationship. Al Veoli suggests that you examine those feelings more closely, independently, if possible, of your desire to flirt with other men (which is pretty negligible).

Back to Top | Submit a Question

Have a question for Al Veoli? Submit it below.

Al looks forward to hearing from you!