Al Veoli: The Wedding Issue

Dear Al Veoli:

My best friend is getting married in September. His third, her second. Is a whole shower appropriate for her or maybe just a small lingerie party?

-Confused

Dear Confused:

It can certainly become tricky regarding proper etiquette under diverse and disparate wedding circumstance. Perhaps the best thing to do is ask your friend what she would prefer. Perhaps she'd prefer a low key gathering of her closest friends, or perhaps she'd like a traditional shower and to celebrate this wedding to the nines, even if it's not her first one. Try to feel her out and then make your decision; just be careful to be diplomatic and subtle when determining her desires.

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Dear Al Veoli:

My mother treats me like dirt, less than that really, and my sister who has never accomplished anything of substance gets treated like a princess. I've always been the smart one, the one who was good at sports, and the one who helped out family even though she claimed to always be about the family and in reality only thought about herself all the time. Now she's getting married and things are even worse with my mother only paying attention to her and putting me down all the time. I get really sick of it, what am I supposed to do?

-Doormat

Dear Doormat:

There are reasons why people move away from their families, to opposite coasts or opposite sides of the world. Just because one is related to someone does not mean one has to take abuse. If your mother is not nice to you, please try speaking with her reasonably about how you feel. If that does not net results, perhaps distance is the best option--emotional distance. You don't have to be available for family gatherings if you're being treated horribly, and you don't have to hear about how great your sister is if she's a loser. The biggest step is recognizing that you're in control of your own your own life and that you don't have to take abuse from anyone.

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Dear Al Veoli:

My main problem is that my parents refuse to attend my wedding yet we are less than a day's drive away from their house. They say it's too much time and effort to come, but the wedding is on a weekend. I'm furious at them, because they're keeping my sisters from coming, too since they are young and live at the house. Now my mother is attacking me in emails and doing nothing but criticizing all my decisions. I just want to get married and not worry about this nonsense!

-Angry

Dear Angry:

Ideally a wedding would be all about love and romance and family, and some of us are blessed to have that and thankful for it. But if you think that your wedding is only causing you grief with your parents, perhaps stop arguing with them and accept that they don't want to attend. This will of course color your relationship with them, but you can't make them be interested, and they can't make you do what they want or control your life without your consent, however implicit or explicit. So focus on your own celebration, and maybe your sisters can be picked up by another wedding guest who cares to celebrate with you.

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Al looks forward to hearing from you!