Al Veoli: Mistreatment, Freedom from Addiction, and Mistreatment

Dear Al Veoli:

A few weeks ago my ex and I broke up due to his never wanting to get married and the fact that he cheated on me twice. I also found out he was emailing multiple on-line women daily. Since we broke up I met a great guy who has his act together. Then my ex-boyfriend called to say he's sorry and wants to marry me. I keep thinking about him despite the fact that he wasn't good to me. What do I do?

--Beguiled

Dear Beguiled:

Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! Pleas for advice regarding rogue men are increasingly common. For once and for all, the best philosophy for preservation of one's sanity and self-respect: if someone cheats on you, the ball is in your court to walk away. That behavior is absolutely, unequivocally heinous, and you deserve way more respect than that. Only women with incredibly low self-esteem would remain with someone who treats them that poorly. It is natural that you are thinking about him as you doubtlessly devoted time and effort to the relationship, but please, do yourself a favor and MOVE ON. This ex is manipulative and a waste of time. Give the new guy a chance.

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Dear Al Veoli:

I graduated from high school in 1998 and I've gone through a lot since then, including drug addiction. Thanks to God I'm in recovery now and don't do drugs. I'm starting college in January '06 and I want to know how to meet non-drug addicted women. Thanks for your advice. -Pathfinder

--Pathfinder

Dear Pathfinder:

Kudos to you for being drug-free. There are many women in college who are not on drugs, and it should not be hard to find one. Try meeting a woman in class and maybe going out for coffee or peppermint hot chocolate. Be honest and upfront about your determination to stay away from drugs, and see what happens. Chances are you'll be able to find someone who shares antipathy for such roads.

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Dear Al Veoli:

As of late my boyfriend has been very rude to me and so have my good friends. What the heck is going on? I would never treat people the way I am treated. When I call it's as if it's some big burden for people to talk to me. Please help me as I am very upset right now! -Mistreated

--Mistreated

Dear Mistreated:

It could be that your friends are indeed rude, in which case you need to address things directly with them (and with your boyfriend) not in a whiney, complaining tone, but in a self-assertive, polite but take no nonsese approach. Maybe your friends think they have the right to treat you like a doormat, but they're wrong. Another possibility, however, is that you yourself are going through a hard time right now and are sensitive. Weigh the options and then decide on a path to redemption in your own eyes.

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Al looks forward to hearing from you!